Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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