my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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