I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
