After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
