Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize