Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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