How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
