She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
