well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
