Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
