loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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