It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize