I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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