Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
