I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
