Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
