I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
