I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
