she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
