did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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