did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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