just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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