we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
