Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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