Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
