Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
