I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
