I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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