my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
