tell your sister to shave her snatch
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
