I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
