I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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