he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
