i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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