I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
