What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
