20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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