i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
