are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
