you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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