He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize