Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
