Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
