the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
