just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize