I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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