I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
