Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
