dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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