Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
