I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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