We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please come you make the beer taste better
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
