Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
