Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
