I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
