Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize