I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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