Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
