Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
