Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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