thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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