it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
