remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
