I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
