Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
