Plan B is the new Plan A
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We left the knife in your bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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