I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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