you traded sex for a burrito?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
