Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Watching her eat just hurts me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
