she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
