well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
