Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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