Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
