my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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