What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
