You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
